Crazy-Town USA

Going to the post office is always an exciting event. Crazy people apparently love to congregate at the post office. Why? is it the allure to lick the stamps? do they get their jollies of sending/recieving mail so much that they hang out here in desperation that snail mail will come there way so they can rip it open and lather themeselves with it? Well anyways, today wasn't really that exciting I guess. I walked into the post office to pick up the books I ordered from amazon and as soon as I walked in I smelled him before I saw him. The Hollywood Vampire. Yep. That's what he called himself. He was telling everyone in line (cuz theres always an effing line!) that he went through "the program" and is straight as an arrow now. Usually ignoring this kind of shit, as you grow impervious to it after a few months of living in LA, I decided to slowly turn my head and sneak a peek at this winner. He was covered in dirt, he was wearing a kilt, it looked like he tried to bleach his hair but the bleach didn't take so his hair was half cut off and half scraggly and  brassy orange in color. He was telling the old lady next to him that he was THE Hollywood Vampire. For a brief moment, me and the old lady made eye contact and in our thoughts I feel we communicated as if to say "This dude is fucking crazy..and smelly..and I can't wait to get the eff out of this post office". Leroy and I then hit the skids. We saw 3 guys getting busted for drugs as we drove back. At the crosswalk this insanely old lady was crossing the street very slowly with cane. We decided to name her "tugboat tits" because she was wearing one of those old lady cafeteria bras that makes your boobs look like madonnas from her 80's tour when she had the cone boobs. I now realize that "torpedo tits" would have been more appropriate. Damn Me! Speaking of lunchlady bras, I worked at the bra/panty department at Filene's  when I was freshly 16 and had to fit old fat ladies for bras and suggest sexy panties for them to wear to help out their sexless and loveless marriages. I quit after 2 weeks to pursue a career in being a roller-skating rink attendant. 

I'd like to take this time to thank McDonalds for their delicious iced coffee. I'd like to thank the trashmen for the song "bird is the word" and I would also like to thank blackberry for the "storm" which comes out November 21. Mama likes.

sidenote: Toby Morse spotted at post office last week! what will next week bring?!?! and thanks to Mary at Adidas for the magazine with him on the cover with the rest of H2o. you rule at life!