you're breakfast bitch

I woke up this morning. Talked to my girl for a bit and then decided that I wanted some breakfast, typical morning.
Flapjacks, bacon, let me sip your OJ. Holla holla holla oatmeal and granola.

LeLe- Breakfast-



LeLe features the work of the immensely talented Dutch designer Parra

For all you Los Angelenos looking for NYE fun times, LeLe is playing at The Standard, Hollywood. Maybe you can get some pretty girl to sing "bitch, you're breakfast," to as the sun comes up. hmm.

your mom wears combat boots

Merry Christmas to you all and a happy new years...heres is my present to everyone

20 minutes before my job interview...i got the butterflies...to the point where my stomach was swirling...and i knew...that if i entered that building and started my interview...there was no way in hell i could hold it in...how embarrassing would it be to fart during a job interview? and i am not talking about those soft and coherent cute ones...i am talking about those smelly ones that sound like a helicopter...sooooo...i basically had to take a shit...drop a deuce...snake charmer...power dump...spinal tap shit...all that fun stuff...i power walked my way to the nearby mall and headed straight for the bathroom...whew!...not a single person...i entered a stall and started handling business...i'd say 20 seconds in...i hear footsteps...fuck!...there goes peace and quiet! im sorry...i prefer taking a dump in silence...well he walks past my stall and enters the one adjacent to mine...i hear him pull his pants down and sits down on the toilet...AWKWARD SILENCE...it was literally dead quiet...longest 2 minutes of my life...it finally came down to...who is going to drop one first?...i knew he was waiting for me...i was waiting for him...but i had no choice...i had 10 minutes left till i had to be at my interview...so i braced myself...closed my eyes...and i went for it...woooop (sound of poo hitting toilet water)...i didnt move...exactly 15 seconds...he went for it...woooop...AWKWARD SILENCE yet again...shortly after...he dropped again...DOUBLE TIME...fuck it...i went for it...and then he did the unexpected...he farted and giggled a little....the look on my face was most likely priceless...i didnt know whether to laugh or be disgusted by this complete pooin/farting stranger...but for everyone who knows me...i wasnt disgusted...i just felt like i was in the most incredibly awkward moment of my life...all i knew was that i did not want to see this dudes face...so i released...wiped...flushed...out of the stall...and headed over to wash my hands and saw...a bum staring at himself in the mirror...wooop (dude was still going at it) i washed my hands and got out of there...nailed the interview...and never went to that bathroom ever again

top of the year-music

So it's the end of the year and that means a barrage of "top of 2008" lists.

KnifeFight's top 15 albums of 2008.
(Please comment with your own lists)

1. TV On The Radio- Dear Science (Interscope)
This band of Brooklyn art-rockers have always taken a while to grow on me. Sure, I liked Return to Cookie Mountain, but only after numerous listens. With Science, something just clicked for TV. Maybe it was their jaded New York Lens, or that they just really wanted something different. Who knows? Add in the America’s political climate from 2008, the fact that an African American was running against a dinosaur of a man that no doubt prayed “Dear Science…” every night to “keep me alive,” a seemingly never-ending war, a recession and a feeling that something just wasn’t right in the world and you’ve got the perfect groundwork for an albums’ worth of songs becoming fantastically hopeful, relevant (“Golden Age,” Science’s best track) and melancholy (“Family Tree”) at the same time. Hell, the band even makes their first step into disco territory on “Dancing Choose.” From the moment Tunde Adebimpe sings “Go on throw this stone, Into this halfway home!,” on opener “Halfway Home,” (just around the 4:15 mark) the guitar cranks up, fuzz-blaring and the drums shift into a marching-band-esque pound, you know maybe we should all just start praying “Dear Science, lets hope the next four years are better than the last.”

2. Cut Copy- In Ghost Colours (Modular)
I have always loved Cut Copy. When I first heard dancefloor anthem “Hearts on Fire,” on the Aussie band’s So Cosmic mixtape, back in early January, I hoped the bands sophomore effort would come sooner than later. Synth pop is one of the easiest and hardest genres to figure out. You can easily grab a Korg, set up some drum beats and start singing about technology and love, sounding like Depeche Mode’s Dave Gahan. Or you can do what Cut Copy did. Enlist one of the best current disco-house producers in the land, the DFA’s Tim Goldsworthy, fly halfway across the world, to New York, hole up in a studio tinkering with any synth, programmer or sequencer you can get your hands on and make a magical album worth of anthems (“Lights and Music”, “So Haunted”) dreamy Giorgio Moroder-obsessed tracks (Hearts on Fire) and straight-up 1980’s Top 40 worthy love songs. It took four years for Cut Copy to make In Ghost Colours, I really hope it doesn’t take four more for the follow up.

3. Lil Wayne- Tha Carter III- Deluxe Edition (Ca$h Money)
Weezy returned in full force with TCIII, confessing he was the greatest rapper alive, giving Kanye a run for his money and featuring more guest singing and producing spots than you can handle. Tracks like “A Milli” and “Lollipop” are pop-radio gems, while tracks like “Whip it” and “Got Money” are straight ass-on-the floor synth rap. Listening to both the way he flows, his simplified style and word choice, you get the feeling that Weezy actually knew TCIII would sell a million plus copies. I will admit I got into this record way late, so I am guessing Weezy and I have many more months of listening to look forward to.


4. No Age- Nouns (Sub Pop)
Wow. This Los Angeles duo really know what their doing. I wasn’t all that into their first album Wierdo Rippers, and so, the first time I popped Nouns into the player, my ears thanked me. For me, the album really starts with the beautiful, fuzz-filled jangle that opens the second track, “Eraser.” The guitar and drums swim with each other, as if off in the clouds somewhere, waiting for the day to break. The minute that the drums speed up and the guitar breaks character, the song launches into the perfect soundtrack for a rocky suburban teenage love affair, a beer-soaked, steal-your-parents-car night on the town. The next track, “Teen Creeps,” offers the one-two punch. Nouns is fantastic a group of beautifully relentless songs that would make both Kevin Shields, Thurston Moore and Geniuses P-Orridge all stand up and applaud, one could only hope.

5. Fleet Foxes- ST (Sub Pop)
Seattle label Sub Pop had a great 2008. After No Age, Fleet Foxes come in second for the label’s best offerings of 2008. A debut album worth of delicate folk ditty’s oozing with Americana. The songs are like, what one other reviewer said, when Natalie Portman first hears The Shins in Garden State. They are fresh-faced, immensely talented and able to create tracks that seem to almost transform you to some sun drenched clearing in the Appalachian Mountains, alone, joyfully hiking around as if in some perfectly relaxed state. Don’t forget your beard a flannel shirt.

Here’s the other last ten-

6. Crystal Castles- ST (Last Gang)
7. James Murphy and Pat Mahoney- FabricLive 37 (Fabric London)
8. The Cool Kids- The Bake Sale EP (Chocolate Industries)
9. Lindstrom- Where You Go I Go Too (Smalltown Supersound)
10. Hercules and Love Affair- ST (DFA/Astralwerks)
11. Foals- Antidotes (Domino)
12. Hot Chip- Made in The Dark (DFA/Astralwerks)
13. Vampire Weekend- ST (XL)
14. Lykke Li- Youth Novels- (LL/Atlantic)
15. Various Artists- Calypsoul 70 (Strut)

president of the chum group

Happy Christmas..
I think that my Sonseed video, "jesus is my friend" is enough for days. God damn I love that video. Anyone who tracks down the entire Sonseed album gets ten points and a gold star.

So christmas. Im at the airport, thinking everybody is looking over my shoulder. The smell of french fries and hamburgers is overwhelming. The Morning Benders album is fucking fantastic. Here is the song "Waiting for War." here

Got another hour before the flight leaves. Im getting a new MacBook tomorrow yay. My fucking iPhone is faster than my current laptop. Fucking Steve Jobs.

So TeamAlphaWolfSquadron, Im coming to the city of Angels, January 6th. Lets party.

GRN APPLE TREE WAREHOUSE SALE GO RSVP

HATS: $15
BUTTON UPS: $20
TEES: $5-$10
JACKETS: $40
JEANS: $30

Go say whats up to the white dude probably wearing a vest...CODY

:::::::::::) ) ) )

dont worry, be happy!

-The BARBICUTIONER!!

Happy Holidays!

oh being snowed in

so its snowed all day yesterday starting around 8 in the am at my house, until the evening. Its pretty lame being stuck inside all day, but its also lame trying to drive and getting stuck in the snow twice (Im speaking from experience). also kinda lame having to pay a cab to take you to the grocery store for milk and bread which they were almost completely out of (good call Lillian) minus the really crappy bread. so the roads are all iced over and my school expects us to be there tomorrow at 9am...shhhyya right. maybe that would work for the people who live downtown where there's not nearly as much snow, but for folks like me who are a 1000 feet up, and have 6 ins. of snow caking up and icing over right out they're front door, not to mention don't have chains, or a 4 wheel drive car, its a LOT less feasible. so ill probably be stuck at home (posting even more lame blogs then this one) for at least a few more days cause its gonna snow Wednesday and Thursday, and more then likely Friday! and then a one day break and then again on Sunday....simply stunning. some much for all the people that when i moved here said "if it does snow here it never sticks"... 

never say never bitches

(that picture is my balcony only 2 hrs into the snowing yesterday...)

truck sweat

Alrighty Colorado. What the fuck.  I awoke to yet another day (and night) of horrifically frigid temperature. It's 1 degrees, wait, I keep saying that. It's 1 degree. My iPhone, which continually seems to please me day-in, day-out with its' gifts of time wasted finger jabbing, gave me something useful today in a double-whammy of fantastic YouTube-d video action. 

Wait! the phone just switched, now it says 0 degrees. Haha yes, its like that whole sun invention never happened. I played "California Dreaming" on the radio last night. Damn those Mama's and Papa's for making it so great. Let's forget about another of my teeth chattered nights is going to suck and enjoy these-

">
It's alright, because Bush and Jesus are such good friends, I am sure he will have God totally wreck that crazed, shoe-lauching journalist. Git'r done.

Team Meeting

I want to dance. Do you want to dance? Let's dance.... Team Alpha Wolf Dance Night? Someday?
Group hug. Much Love.
When life sucks, listen to the band... BlackKids. <3 4 eVer OmG WTF. d^_^b teHeHehe.

love me some chai tea

Dear unknown man in chip and pepper jeans ad,

I want to hold your hand and listen to bonnie prince billy under a bridge somewhere as the ocean slowly rolls in to the hums of the subtle music surrounding us. I would make you breakfast everyday. I would make sure you had suitable doo-dads for your hats. I would weara an apron as I made you cakes on sundays and make sure you put sunscreen on when we went to the beach. I want to dance until the wee hours of the night and fall asleep in your arms.

that's not creepy right??

anyways...

While editing the downloaded material on my work computer today, I found this lovely photo. I must have laughed for at least 5 minutes..how does one acquire this view? Sinkhole view. And it also reminds me of a news story I heard like a month ago about a woman being trapped to her toilet. She sat on that damn thing for so long her skin became fused to the seat! First of all, she obviously had mental problems if she didn't leave the bathroom ever, it could have been fear, laziness, or something we dont even know about! some weird phobia i bet. Why would you want to stay in there? EW.so much bacteria.I saw a picture and that bathroom was not one that you'd want to be stuck in...She apparently had a boyfriend that took care of her and brought her food and washed her. That's love. I would tell her to get her fat ass off the seat and make her own tuna roll. The boyfriend didn't call for help until enough time went by for her skin to fuse to the seat! Why did he wait so long??? She kept telling him, "Maybe tomorrow I can get out of here...we'll see"..... BITCH GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM! I HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT AND I'M SICK OF GOING IN THE GARDEN!

In my mind was raised a few questions: obviously the first is about sex, she was sitting on a toilet seat for more than a few months..obviously that went out the window, yet the boyfriend respected her want to be half clad on a shitter. He aided and abedded her sickness instead of getting her help. Why didn't he dump her? he was basically acting as a geriatric nurse to someone who wasn't even giving it up.... Second question, how did they fuse the toilet seat off? did she have surgery? when she goes to the beach in the summer will she have to explain her "toilet mark legs" to inquisitors? will she be embarrassed or proud? Third question: WHERE DID THE BOYFRIEND GO TO THE BATHROOM???

And some other random thoughts having nothing to do with anytyhing:

***UNIQUE-LA is this saturday and sunday dec 13 and 14 on e 9th st downtown.....you should goooo!!!!! check it out at www.uniquela.com

***Foundation art show is dec 13th at approx 6 pm on La Cienega

***Dec 13 Kill city on Melrose is having a party! drinkie poooos and buy some jeans

***Stella stand up comedy is happening dec 13th at 8pm at the Orpheum Theatre

the lucky dizzle..fo shizzle

well hello..this is my first blog addition to T.A.W.S. I'm mini and unlike all the other lucky fools who contribute to this glorious blog that live in LA, I had to relocate for my lovely hometown of So Cal to Portland. Portland's cool don't get me wrong, but its no LA. and that's all I'm saying. Any who..I'm just here tonight to mention the eventful and not so eventful details of my weekend..

Well Saturday isn't technically a weekend day for me, as it is for most others, because I go to school Tuesday through Saturday, at Paul Mitchell the School..yes "the" school..Paul Mitchell names lots of the their products "the" this and "the" that. anyways so my Saturday kinda blew. Went to school and started slaving around doing hair until a little after 5 o'clock, getting awful blisters on my feet, then had to go straight to work, selling people silver jewelry. It always makes me laugh when people come in and ask if we sell gold..the name of the store is "Something Silver" there is is basically no gold at our store...but its even better when they ask.."do you sell platinum?" (rolling eyes) seriously...if we don't sell gold do u think we're gonna sell platinum? anyways I'm getting off track and its not very eventful. so after work I went home and did nothing because my blistered feet were killing me. pretty uneventful Saturday but i still managed to stay up WAY too late uploading music and effing around on my new computer :) which i love, thanks you Apple for not making shit.

but today, had more eventful events then yesterday.

well i slept till about 1, yes in the afternoon, what of it! and then i ran by the mall dropped a key off at my work, then headed over to my friends house in NoPo (that's north Portland for those who don't know) and went on the quest for ugly christmas sweaters. Goodwill#1, was a bust, apparently they had been wiped clean of everything in the ugly Christmas section. then to Goodwill#2, superstore Goodwill, where i was lucky enough to find a ugly Christmas sweater, that I've already tallied on compliment on, and this lady seriously did like it, and proceeded to tell me it was Norwegian and a "very special sweater"... my buddy Shania wasn't lucky enough to score a sweater and Goodwill#2, however she did snag a very ugly Christmas vest. So we moved onwards to Goodwill#3, a Goodwill outlet store (yes the Goodwill DOES have and OUTLET store) its so be called the Goodwill Cluster Fuck store, Jesus H, this place was just full of huge rolling bins piled high with dirty bastard neglected normal Goodwill clothing. All of the crazies roaming and riffling this place were out of hand, the employees would roll out a newly filled bin and these savages would go fleeing to it and start throwing sweaters, and sheets, and rugs, and toy guitars all over. This place smelled awful. It was the kind of place that once you're in there you want the fuck out! but you feel like you have to look, like theres some buried gems you're missing out on but really you're not. Did i mention that everything there is priced by the lb. yea..crazy. Anyways Shania found an ugly sweater, and we made it out of there with out catching some rare and incurable disease... thank you trusty Purelle hand sanitizer, you held me over till i could get to a shower. Next we had a delicious spaghetti dinner, and then went with her family to pick out a Christmas tree, and then had delicious ice cream cake, and then went to Winter Wonderland...no its not a prom event, even though it sounds like it. Its some Christmas themed light show set up on a racetrack and you drive around it and look at all the lights and listen to Christmas music and it totally gets you in the Christmas spirit. That was all fun and what not but the next events of the evening we're quite outstanding. Well minus the non outstanding event, of some Douche bag not having his damn dog on a leash an his dog went straight towards my dogs to attack them, and nearly got my lil baby Rico. ughhhhh...

So I left Shania and her family and went home got into my spandex, and went the strip club, Lucky Devil, or Lucky Dizzle as i like to call it. And nearly got t-boned by a 18 wheeler that decided he was gonna run a stop sign that i had been stopped at a good 100 yards before he even got to it! goddamn horrible Oregon drivers! i literally almost died in front of a strip club in OR! Anyways, my friends Sean every first Sunday of the month gets to DJ all his favorite sleaze rock songs, and promote his clothing company, Entrust Clothing, its awesome stuff check it out ( www.entrustclothing.com ) ...so we're all rockin out with our cocks out, or jammin out with our clams out..either way. but i got there a little late and missed out on this superb man who was gaining more attention then the naked females on stage. He was this pretty buff, kinda crazy lookin dude, wearing and black long sleeved shirt, a black beanie, and black short shorts..yes short shorts, like really short running shorts, mind you its Portland and its roughly 45 degrees out...so he was just stunning, OH wait it some how slipped my mind that this man was missing his FOUR FRONT TEETH! By the way this man had a name, he told us, "Mark with a K". When he mentioned his name was Mark with a K, my friends Kevin said "Oh cool, Im Kevin with a K"--CLASSIC! some of my favorite things he did that night were..hmmm..sitting at the rack watching the strippers and rocking out to Bon Jovi while straddling a few chairs, and stretching out his legs on the rack and the chairs around him..or dancing around booty shaking better then half the strippers and giving some of us a free show do to the short shorts factor, or like when he grabbed one of the oil candles off one of the tables, and brought it up to one of the strippers while she was dancing and held it up towards her ass, like he was about to go mining for coal or something, or when she continued to dance and was kneeling down straddling the rack right in front of this guy (just reminding you...fully naked) and he holds the candle up towards her freakin vag, and then run over the our group of friends that are just sitting on the couches in aw of this man, and totally wathcing everything he was doing, and he runs over to us and says and i quote "its pierced, two" *and holds up 2 fingers*  hahah just amazing, and at one point he held an invisible microphone up for me while i sang my heart out to Missy Elliot- Get Ya Freak On (this was after the cock rock portion of the night had ended), he also at some point in the night said something like Portland's weird "Keep Portland Weird", which is a bumper sticker people around Portland have on their cars, and all i have to say about that is Portlander's (or Pork-landers as i sometimes call them) you can rest your crazy little heads at night and sleep soundly because there is no way Portland could ever NOT be weird, the majority of you all are weird so nooooo woorrriiesss.  

well that's basically all i want to talk about, i hope my entry has intrigued someone...anyone haha hopefully I'll have some other fun stories to share sooner then later.

peace out from non-portlander stuck in portland

pacquiao for el presidente

dear golden boy...

golden boy...sorry but you blow...there was need for me to watch because i knew you were going down and not by TKO...but from the fists of a glorious asian man...how did that KO feel? could you smell the pancit and lechon coming from the breath of your opponent? smelled good right? 8 rounds of smelling that beautiful aroma got to you...its ok



Manny....you did good...im proud...youre next fight im not to sure of...i know you have the heart and determination but this is HUGE...i just dont know where you stand against him...



GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hands down......JCVD

SPEAKING OF PROUD...go grab the new LA Weekly because 4 pages in...BEAUTIFUL...and yes shes Oprah rich...if you happen to see this BEAUTIFUL woman...get her autograph...say hi...maybe blow her a kiss from afar?...try one of those repeating eye blinks like those cartoon cats do when theyre in love...

yep keep smiling

A taste of a delicious milk shake by:wat

INT. - HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY
Rod and Brock come home. Rod is sill drinking his milkshake. Bobby and Cobblepot are asleep on the couches. Rod gets down to Bobby’s level and pats him on the head.
ROD
(whispering)
You awake, sleepy head?
BOBBY
Yeah.
Brock nudges Cobblestone awake. They watch.
ROD
I’m sorry.
BOBBY
It’s okay.
ROD
Go back to sleep now, you ragamuffin.
BOBBY
Okay.
Bobby falls back to sleep and the rest of the guys sing the devils chant.....
ALL TOGETHER
SING FOR THE DEVIL
HE LIVES IN OUR HEARTS
BLACK SKIES WILL RAIN UPON THE
AND THE WORLD WILL BURN ALIVE

===_

have fun
get gnar
-The BARBICUTIONER!!

Pepsi, what's the dealio yo? by Tha Rizzla

The Pepsi vs. Coke debate, as most of you well know, has long been a subject of much controversy. It seems though that most people I talk to favor Coca-Cola, and let's for the sake of argument say that Coke is indeed, the most popular soda. I remember a time when I myself used to be a "Pepsi guy", but I will tell you exactly why I, and perhaps many others, have made the switch, or perhaps even the switch back to Coke. First of all, Coke sticks by all of the stupid drinks they make. I don't like any of these crappy Coke spin off drinks such as Coke-Blak, Coke Zero, etc., but they still exist for whatever reason. Now lets look at the Pepsi side. The reason I used to like Pepsi so much is because they used to come out with delicious drinks. There was Crystal Pepsi, which tasted just like the original drink BUT was FUCKING CLEAR! That is awesome because you could at least feel that you were being slightly healthy because you weren't drinking this murky substance but you still got all the sugar you normally would have. But they abandoned that drink and it quickly went the way of the dinosaur. Then, in about 2002 or 2003, there was Pepsi Blue. First of all, the color of this drink was amazing. Just looking at it made you think you were about to drink a cartoon or something, and who the fuck doesn't like that? Anyway, this was more of a berry soda, not much actual Pepsi flavor in it, but it was quite delicious. Again, it got the axe and quickly went the way of Michael Jackson's original nose. There was also Pepsi Vanilla for a short time, which I thought to be far superior to Vanilla Coke. I don't know if they gave this one the boot, but I sure can't find it ANYWHERE, so it's safe to assume that it is gone for good. Another disappointment. But the biggest disappointment of all came in 2004, or rather, every holiday season after that. I will tell you why dedicated readers. In 2004 Pepsi came out with what was probably the best tasting soda of ALL TIME. It was Pepsi Holiday Spice. I probably consumed more of this than any other liquid ever. So, as you could imagine, your humble narrator was quite excited come holiday season 05, but no Holiday Spice. Not then. Not ever again. And that was it. I couldn't go back to a company that wouldn't support the delicious concoctions that they consistently came out with. I had to switch to Coke. For a few reasons. First of all, in Atlanta, GA they have The World of Coca-Cola, and it's AMAZING. You should definitely go if given the chance. You can try all these crazy sodas from other countries, watch Coca-Cola being produced and bottled, and you can get your picture taken with the polar bear from those commercials. Secondly, they stick by all of their crazy drinks, no matter how disgusting they may be. But third, and I think that this is probably the case for most of us, the Coca-Cola company has poisoned my mind with their constant advertising. Case in point: EVERY time I see Santa enjoying an ice cold Coca-Cola, I usually say to myself "I want a Coca-Cola now". And I get one. And what's the deal with that anyway, does Coca-Cola own Santa or what? No other soda company gets to use it. I though that Santa was like, public domain or something. Oh well. I'm just now finishing up my ice cold Coke, so I will finish up this blog as well.
Roll Tide. Hail Saban.
12-0

99 cent store field trip

Me and Leroy went to the 99 cent store today, we opted for the one over on LaBrea rather than the one we usually frequent on Fairfax because the one on Fairfax is in a "smelly area". Certain parts of LA have "smelly areas". No matter when you go there, it always smells! the 99 cent store always smells like somebody bombarded that entire area with stink bombs. Theres also a strip on Melrose that always smells like sewage..it's totally gross, and i digress. So we get to this magnificent,huge 99 cent store and I will now describe to you the characters that I met there.

-Old lady that asked my opinion on what color poinsettia to get, where to place it, will it reflect light? will it look good in her apartment complex? is purple better than red? blah blah. Of course I was very nice because people aren't friendly at all around here or anywhere anymore so it was nice to be esteeemed by  a stranger in a "i'm not going to murder you, hit on you or hand you my business card" sort of way. She later cornered me in the parking lot when I was trying to leave to show me all the things she purchased. She drove a beautiul old pistachio colored mustang that I had admired before meeting her.

-Crazy big German lady that stopped me to tell me to buy fake eggs out of the 99 cent store fridge. "zaaaay are gooooot!" I said, "I'm sorry what?" "zeeee egggs...zaayyy are very gootttt!" "sorry lady I'm just looking for oj!" she put her arm up..I walked away. Leroy and I exchanged looks of " Is it crazies need a friend day?"

-In line a middle-aged woman was standing so close to Leroy that now that I think about it, I think she was smelling his hair. It has grown to be quite beautiful and boisterous. She asked him about some items he was holding. Namely a sippy cup he was about to purcahse of Frosty the Snowman. (Yeah I dont get it either).

-The old woman wearing a shirt that read "Not everything in life revoloves around chocolate....but it should!" Wow. Well put. She purchased two bags of tidy cat cat litter, 9 bottles of after shower baby powder, and 6 canisters of clorox bleach. Leroy announced, "stocking up for winter!" and i almost peed on the check out girl.

Money well spent

Option 1

uhmmmm...i watched this video...and...well...i just dont know who iam anymore...i forgot how to blink?...you know that feeling when you want to look away but cant for some odd reason...and then you start throwing up all over the place...but then shortly after you realize that this lyrically challenged girl sells out shows in canada...and you want to be her BFF...wear true religions everyday...i got that feeling

Price: $350 roundtrip ticket to canada + LIGHTS ticket...and the chance to ask her...how did get your hair to blow in the video?



Option 2

Kanyes new clothing line...theres not much to talk about...ITS BEEN DONE ALREADY!

Price: More expensive than option 1






Option 3

Greenman costume...hands down funkn AMAZING

Price: $70...yes please



www.BEGREENMAN.com www.BEGREENMAN.com www.BEGREENMAN.com www.BEGREENMAN.com
www.BEGREENMAN.com www.BEGREENMAN.com www.BEGREENMAN.com www.BEGREENMAN.com

Attn. OHHH MELROSE PART DOS

Adding onto KJ's post about Melrose and the krap people are wearing...i still dont get it...mind bottling?



Crystal Audigier...Christian Audigiers daughter...16 years old...started her own line called Crystal Rock...ofcourse with the help of the bedazzle master...she is going to help come out with more krap with gems/rhinestones/and oh lets say rocks on them...Ive never seen a clothing company find more use of the words...FAITH...POWER...GLORY...ENTICE...oh and cant forget LOVE...why cant the shirts say..."SHIT LIPS"...or "EAT ASSHOLE"...maybe "PIRATE TITTY MONGER"...i hate bedazzled uggs...do you really want to wear 20 pound boots? you live in LA! there is no fucking snow for miles

oh well...keep taking money from people...hats off to you

Here is the info on this lovely ray of joy and the bedazzle master:

Once again the Godfather of Rock & Roll Fashion redefines high-end casual wear as Christian Audigier presents his new line CRYSTAL ROCK. The latest innovative brand from the creator of Ed Hardy, Christian Audigier, and SMET celebrates women of all ethnicities, cultures, and walks of life. Inspired by his daughter Crystal Rock Audigier, this limited edition brand is a representation of women's empowerment and authenticity. Designed as a reflection of Hollywood individualism, the bold and colorful designs embrace the spirit of youthfulness, while creating a niche for edgy wearable art. Every shirt is manufactured on 100% organic fabric; an exclusive piece of original artwork, as only 1,000 will be reproduced and numbered in each style.

The distinctive nature of the design strives to capture a specific mood with its' intricate, yet understated detail. Christian has incorporated his signature style with the use of rhinestones, flocking and foil integrated with a female character as individuality. The message behind the creation is simple; all women are beautiful regardless of race, creed, or color. CRYSTAL ROCK is already in high demand with celebrities and retailers alike. With it's comfort, style, and conceptional significance CRYSTAL ROCK is sure to be the most sought after collectable among strong, confident women everywhere.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH...this makes me want to punch vaginas

/////

Go Vegan!
-The BARBICUTIONER !!

Action Speaks Louder Than Words

People talk...and talk...and talk...to the point where it leaves me in a state of distraught. Everyone is so caught up in their own lives that taking 5 minutes of their own is absolutely out of the question. Where are those random acts of kindness!? and since when has it been all about YOU! Busy? You can never be too busy so dont pull that shit. The WORLD does not revolve around one person...it just doesnt

-If you 'LOVE' someone...then show it. Take their clothes off, plant he or she on the wall, and destroy em...mad max style...(red flag)

-If one of your close friends or family member is sick...well shit happens...theyll get better...right?

-I miss you?...everyone says it

-If one of your good friends needs a place to stay...let him or her stay with you...if he or she sleeps with your fiance and lies to your face...uses all the colby jack cheese in the fridge when he or she knows damn well the KRAFT is his or hers...embrace it

-If your girlfriend gives you an ed hardy shirt for your bday...gouge her eyes out

-We all need help at some point in our lives...return the favor by doing absolutely nothing

-Youre having a shitty day...make sure to let everyone know so they all can feel sorry for you...it works!

-If you get your friend a job...and they suck huge ballsack...and end up quitting...its ok...you can always rely on them

I try not to think about these things but...they happen...more frequently...people tend to take everything for granted and dont value the importance of certain friends or lovers...they just use words...i know we all fuck up at times...but how many times do we acknowledge it and actually apologize

Think about it...actually dont think...just get up and make people happy

If you love someone...go out of your way...trust me...its worth the smile on their face



Spread the love



Go into RIF and say hi to Jeff...hes gangster



If youre not aware...



Timecrimes



Glad you got smashed...whitney houston style



FUN



MEAL



dance party



AMAZING!



AMAZING!

Crazy-Town USA

Going to the post office is always an exciting event. Crazy people apparently love to congregate at the post office. Why? is it the allure to lick the stamps? do they get their jollies of sending/recieving mail so much that they hang out here in desperation that snail mail will come there way so they can rip it open and lather themeselves with it? Well anyways, today wasn't really that exciting I guess. I walked into the post office to pick up the books I ordered from amazon and as soon as I walked in I smelled him before I saw him. The Hollywood Vampire. Yep. That's what he called himself. He was telling everyone in line (cuz theres always an effing line!) that he went through "the program" and is straight as an arrow now. Usually ignoring this kind of shit, as you grow impervious to it after a few months of living in LA, I decided to slowly turn my head and sneak a peek at this winner. He was covered in dirt, he was wearing a kilt, it looked like he tried to bleach his hair but the bleach didn't take so his hair was half cut off and half scraggly and  brassy orange in color. He was telling the old lady next to him that he was THE Hollywood Vampire. For a brief moment, me and the old lady made eye contact and in our thoughts I feel we communicated as if to say "This dude is fucking crazy..and smelly..and I can't wait to get the eff out of this post office". Leroy and I then hit the skids. We saw 3 guys getting busted for drugs as we drove back. At the crosswalk this insanely old lady was crossing the street very slowly with cane. We decided to name her "tugboat tits" because she was wearing one of those old lady cafeteria bras that makes your boobs look like madonnas from her 80's tour when she had the cone boobs. I now realize that "torpedo tits" would have been more appropriate. Damn Me! Speaking of lunchlady bras, I worked at the bra/panty department at Filene's  when I was freshly 16 and had to fit old fat ladies for bras and suggest sexy panties for them to wear to help out their sexless and loveless marriages. I quit after 2 weeks to pursue a career in being a roller-skating rink attendant. 

I'd like to take this time to thank McDonalds for their delicious iced coffee. I'd like to thank the trashmen for the song "bird is the word" and I would also like to thank blackberry for the "storm" which comes out November 21. Mama likes.

sidenote: Toby Morse spotted at post office last week! what will next week bring?!?! and thanks to Mary at Adidas for the magazine with him on the cover with the rest of H2o. you rule at life!

random thoughts for today

-new vice magazine. drawing edition. even the do's and don'ts are drawn..how special

-i was under the impression that everyone was aware of the news....that the the bird is the word? BA BA BA BA BIRD BIRD BIRD..BIRD'S THE WORDDDD!

-go pick up the movie, "back to the beach" its my personal fave since i was a young lassy of 6 yrs old. pee wee herman (my hero) is in it singing "bird's the word" on a surfboard with white pleather platforms on. other things to know about this movie:

a.) fishbone is also in it b.) jamaica ska song c.) one of the character names is a punk boy named, "knife" d.) this movie is a result of the classic 50's clips "beach blanket bingo" starring frankie avalon and annette funicello of the mickey mouse club (i am full of useless knowledge..duh)

-some girl on the street started screaming bloody murder because Jonah Hill was eating an omelette across the st. i didnt understand the commotion at first and thought she was having some sort of attack, after me and leroy made our way over to said spot we realized who it was, both exclaimed, "what the fuck??!!" and were pissed that we walked 20 feet over check out a lame situation in 99 degree heat. that is two lbs from my enormous thighs that will be hard to put back on..i can't wait to be a 400 lb Victorias Secret model. It's my dream. Don't judge me.

-did i mention that california is on fire? apparently its pretty bad in santa barbara which is north, and santa ana which is south, so of course LA is right in the middle..i feel like i live in hell and Jonah Hill is satan, I'm expecting steven tyler to jump out any minute from behind a garbage can and start singing to me...."innnn this sweeeet surrrender...i wanna be lost in this momenttttt FOREVVVVERRRRRR....."

-What's with all the nerds playing call of duty and these stupid video games that require a headset...NERDDD ALERTTTT..go to the beach and ride a bike

-I bought the Beatles Anthology 2 from Amoeba last nite and realized I dont need the Beatles Edition I-pod that's nuts I have been sweating for about a year now. Instead I will pre-load my own I-pod for much much cheaper. Paying $800 for a box full of beatles cd's (that i own almooooost all of anwyays) just for the I-pod when it's not even pre-loaded kinda sucks. Over it, saddened by it. I-tunes still doesn't own the rights to their songs to put up..Stupid Michael Jackson!

I think that's it for today, stay tuned

Yo RV where you at? by Tha Rizzla

It is quite apparent that celebrities all have a certain shelf life. They have their good time, their bad time, their comeback, then they fade into obscurity once and for all. Or they die. I suppose fading into death and/or obscurity are basically the same thing, although if they die they are more likely to keep their dignity because it makes it impossible for them to sign on to disasters such as, say, Lost Boys: The Tribe starring Corey Feldman, or the Number 23. Anyway, I have digressed before even starting to make the point of this here blog. I'm talking about someone that has disappeared, but maintained said dignity, and is still alive. This man, is Reginald Veljohnson. You may know him as Carl Winslow or Sgt. Al Powell of the LAPD. What happened to him?! Honestly, I can't think of one other person who makes every single person happy at once when appearing on screen. What one person can say, "Dude fuck Reginald Veljohnson, I hate that guy"? Nobody. That's who. I believe 'ol Reginald never got the respect he deserved. I mean c'mon, he went from playing a family friendly father of a proud black family just trying to make it in the suburbs, to a street smart, cursing cop that once shot a 13 year old kid. If you're wondering what that role is from, I will tell you. It was from the single greatest film of all time, Die Hard. Not once did Reginald get greedy and try to get lame ass roles that would ultimately tarnish his badass reputation. I post this blog in his honor, because he has what 99% of the world lacks...integrity. Look everyone, just look at the face of integrity.

Today

...Happens to be one of the most boring days of my life thus far. So, I figured the best way to pass some time was clearly to look up ridiculous pictures on google. That being said, these were the only photos that were deemed worthy of being posted...

I have no idea what this is...but I wish it was real so that I could own one.

Baby Lennard...because he was obviously white when he was a kid.

Also, if I have to hear another person say: "Oooohhhh....I feel so stupid, I totally thought you sold cupcakes here." one more time today, I'm going to punch someone square in the throat. Until next time...

Shaazzaam!

I had a very interesting conversation with...lets say British Tyrone Biggums



BTB: Aye you wids the brilliant Johnny Cupcakes mate?

L: Ha yeah I am

BTB: Whys Johnny being all dodgy taking Nikes business

L: ?

BTB: Its fuckin ballistic to sees all these blokes lined up

L: Oh! are you talking about that jordan pack that dropped at Niketown today

BTB: Absobloodylootely

L: Really?

BTB: Its ballistic! Everyones lining up heres for bloody t-shirts instead of the jordan pack. I already gotten mines and gonna flips dem on ebays. Woulds you like to listen to my demo?

L: Uh not really

BTB: No worries mate...I remembers walking for the opening and I see this amazing wooden crate and I knocked on it..."Johnny! Johnny! you in there?

L: Oh hey we gotta go...take it easy!

Speaking of Tyrone Biggums

CRACK PARTY EDITION



Oprah rich



Crack rocks



God?



Crack Party

OHHHHH Melrose

I don't get the whole Ed Hardy thing. I really don't, and who the eff is Christian Audigier?? Is he the dude that bedazzles the shit out of Ed Hardy flash tee shirts and hats? EW. Well anyhow, the shiz is all over Melrose, and I can't stand looking at it anymore. The Beverly Center recently made a huge Ed Hardy window display, and it looks like a kid threw up and colored on it at the same time. Not to mention, the mannequins wearing it are far from anatomically correct...Who is buying this shit? Why is it still around? Well i recently found out who's wearing it. I've only seen a few people in LA sporting it. (Pamela Anderson types, David Beckham types, you get it). I recently took a trip down to Orange County for a friends birthday, I ended up with a few friends at a bar on Harbor in Fullerton. Every single chick on that entire block was wearing Ed Hardy, bedazzled shirts, skanky skirt and heels, gross dyed and straightened hair and fake tans. I don't get this look. I don't like this look. I believe some refer to it as "bro hoe". One of the girls started a fight with a bouncer and threatened to cut him after taking off one 6 inch heel and a hoop earring. She yelled, " No one talks to my man like that!" I look over and she's referring to this Joe Dirt lookin stoner kid sitting on the curb nearby. Wow.. what a power couple, they deserve a nickname like "brangelina". For the next 20 mins this girl did nothing but talk about how she was "soooooooo totally going to kick some guys ass". Which would have never happened because she could barely walk. ( It could have been the heels, could have been the crabs..who knows?) Anyways, I rant along. Back to Ed Hardy. It's sad really. Saddddddd. And you would think all the shops on Melrose would be trendy or at least up to date. As I walked up and down it today, i noticed about 5 shops I would shop in. That included all the second hand and vintage shops. The rest were all "Affliciton" and "Ed Hardy" or knock-off of both. I haven't seen more bedazzled shit since the third grade. Even the pants. It's gross..WHO IS BUYING IT? why is it here????? they can't be making money. God help us transform Melrose. Good news though, Kill City is opening up on wonderful Melrose Ave on Saturday, right next to Creatures Of Comfort. Check it out! 

Christmas On Mars

This tuesday...Montalban

Wayne Coyne...frontman for Flaming Lips...just recently led a thousand people dressed up in skeleton outfits holding flaming torches, and marched the streets of Oklahoma City...and now...he has a movie with vaginas in it...

What about one of the film’s most striking images, a hallucinatory scene with animated marching vaginas?

“I guess I thought any person, any man anyway, who got to make a movie about anything he wanted would have that stuff in it! And it is a Christmas movie, so there’s all the stuff about the birth of this strange baby and I wanted there to be some strange vaginalistic anxiety — all men wonder about what birth is. Really though, I just dream these things up. It’s just a cool scene.”

On the Go

ALABAMA!!!!!!

My saturday was NCAA day...I was at the USC/Cal game...die hard drunk trojan fans screaming, eating 10 dollar hot dogs, and mediocre nachos....amazing...the game however failed to meet my expectations



Nate Longshore you blow...how many times did you fall? thats right twice



Game Time



Joe Paterno decided to come and watch...poor nittany lions



WASTED!



Who hurt you?



At least someone enjoyed the food?



Taylor Mays...amazing game...BIG BALLZ PETE

Also, a couple of days ago i saw my wife perform...





She was glowing





sigh