El Maestro

is my cat's name. He is the conductor of the seas. He is huuuuge and hes not even a year old. I'm pretty sure he has a drug problem. When I first brought to my home his two pounds of sweetness, his personality was very chill. Sometimes his eyes would widen with curiosity about things. This became quite frequent and before I knew it he was jumping around, running around and going crazy in the small apt that I share with a friend. As he got bigger he started jumping on things that were higher, almost knocking over my huge tv, and computer, numerous picture frames, and everything on my dresser at a minimum of twice a day. I ignored his behavior just thinking he was being a silly,growing kitten, but now that I think about it, I think that was when he started on the junk.

I just wanted to share with you what he did last week. One morning, I lay in bed until my alarm was to go off. I heard about 4 very large banging noises. This is not unusual as Maestro goes on crazy sprees and knocks everything in the house over. I figured I'd yell at him when I woke up because I was too lazy (and cold) to get out my warm bed to scold him before 10 AM. I fell back asleep only to wake up to my alarm an hour later, As I left my room and walked to the kitchen, the horrified look on my face scared Maestro into running into Lilly's room for his own safety I'm sure. There it was. Kitchen items spilled everywhere, dishes, cereal and cereal boxes scattered everywhere and on top of it all, cat nip. Nip everywhere! Lilly had purchased some Nip from the cat store and hid it up on a shelf by the ceiling. As I pieced together what the eff happened, I realized he got on top of the fridge and must have flung his large body against the shelf until the Nip fell down.(Explaining the 4 large noises). That's dedication to the junk if I've ever seen it. As pissed as I was at having to clean this mess up after already running late, It was funny because the Nip looked like a drug crime scene and Maestro's eyes were the size of saucers.

I fished him out of Lillys room and screamed at him "why would you do this? are you high?" . He let out a soft meow. He then threw up..on me...then on the floor. He had overdosed! I gave him some water and he passed out. I came home from work later to check on him when my roomate had come home and told me had knocked over all the flour from the flour bin and it was everywhere, including his nose and paws and that at first glance he looked like a coke head. We started receiving weird packages in the mail that my roomates and I now refer to as "maestros kilos". I'm 90 percent sure he is ordering his junk from Columbia and having it sent to the house.

Today I woke up to feed him before work and he had somehow gotten into a box of powdered donuts and was going completely ape-shit. He was running from one side of the apt to the other, over and over. There were donuts all over the ground and all over his face, resulting in more white powder under his nose..hmm....I tried to calm him down but he wouldn't listen to reason, he just kept on running around like a lunatic and trying to climb the curtains. I never raised him to be like this. Do I take him to re-hab? He has a problem and won't admit it. He just sniffs around for more Nip and scratches me when I send back his kilos. I'm thinking maybe we should go on the Maury Povich show. Maury would send him to boot camp and then ask me if I pet him enough. I would be booed by the audience and of course yell back at them. I would love to spit on the audience and stomp off. Back to Maestro. Someone please help me with my troubled, out of control, junkie of a teen. Thanks much.