For those who want to know who I am........
Very eventful day...started out at kellens...then savers...in n out...and inventory night at active
It was a long day and I knew I was headed into a long night at work. I promised kellen that I would go with her to a party so that basically meant...bust my ass off so I can get the hell out of here and enjoy a couple drinks. None of it went as planned. The company we hired to do the scanning ended up to be a bunch of ex-felons who did not know how to count. What should of been an eight hour shift eventually turned into a ten. I was in a shitty mood and was basically over the whole night. 3am rolled along and finally Lyle had dropped me off at my place. Upon reaching my apartment and ready to pass the fuck out, my neighbor was standing outside:
woman: hello, how are ya doing? (nice smile)
me: hello, im good, how are you? (politely)
woman: im doin' fine, why you coming home so late?
me: ehhh, just got off of work
woman: you look like you need a drink? (smile)
*i thought to myself......hmmmmm should I
me: you know what, I will have a drink (smile)
woman: alright, come on in. whats ya name?
me: lennard
woman: Im...(I dont remember)
*She kindly let me inside her place and as soon as I walk in I hear
woman 2: woooooweee! who izzz dis?
woman 3: woooo! whered you fine dis fresh piece of meat?
*FUUUUUUUUCCK! what the hell did I get myself into...all I could do was smile and say hello
woman: This is lennard, he lives upstairs wid that family and baby
woman 2: awww they so nice. nice to meet you lennard...im (i dont remember her name) thats (i dont remember her name) over on da couch
me: hi
woman: lennard what would you like to drink?
me: uhmm, I am fine with anything
woman: alright then
*so i sat down on the couch thinking...okay...this should be interesting...i know how to take care of myself...everything will be fine. woman comes back with 3 drinks and sets them right in front of me.
woman: here ya go
*I grab one and drink it...its straight tequilla on the rocks. probably the best kind to vomit to...sauza. I also then realize all 3 drinks are for me. Life is great. I am sitting in a room with three cougars who plan on getting me drunk and fulfill their fantasy of having some asian love...who wouldnt want to be in my place? wait till I tell you what they look like. Yep...well they started talking amongst themselves as i quietly listened and secretly text kellen, "you would not believe where im at right now." At this point Iam sitting on a couch with woman on my left, woman 2 on my right, and woman 3 straight across from me. Alright here is when I get into detail on each one. They are all black woman and most likely in there 30s or 40s. woman has a moustache and its straight and lined up perfectly...i dont know fucking why but that shit was straight. I happen to look at her legs and realized they were fucking hairy...i cringed. woman 2 had a big butt. woman 3 was big woman wearing a dress and was not wearing underwear or from the looks of it...maybe her body sucked it in and was hiding it...she was flashing her nanner like it was for sale. I continued to drink the rest of my three drinks and got to know a little bit of each of them. woman actually confided in me about her life and how nothing comes easy, that hard work pays off. I enjoyed the conversations and knew that I was getting pretty drunk. Well...I then found myself talking to woman 2 and somehow the convo turned into this...
woman 2: when I look at you...i see 'timid'
me: haha...what do you mean by that?
woman 2: i see you with your tight pants, dat small shirt, gold watch, and dat hair? 'TIMID'
i know you never had the dark meat before
*REALLLY!
me: (laughing) what? sadly no. i have never had the dark meat.
woman 2: I know you never had the dark meat. I can tell just by looking at ya
me: (laughing) youre judging me on how I look
woman 2: thats just what I see. I can tell that you go for dat asian shit...dat white shit. You cant handle the dark meat
*WOW i was getting ripped by some old cougar...while the other 2 are laughing
me: (laughing) alright. alright. you can judge me all you want. it doesnt mean anything
woman 2: thats what i see
me: well................do i look like someone who can dance?
woman 2: hell nooooo
*the other 2 are still laughing
me: alright...put something on
woman 2: alright then...let me see what you got
*she puts on ne-yo....then al green...then r. kelly...then some other stuff....this goes on for an hour and a half....yes...me dancing with 3 40-year old women in the middle of the night. I realized I got there at 3am and looked at my watch to see it was 7:30...fuck
woman 2: i underestimated you
woman: haha you got some moves in ya
*and then she said
woman: you gonna stay the night?
me: nope, im gonna have breakfast with my girlfriend in the morning. bye
*i went out the door...into my apt....and straight to bed
and that was my nite
It was a long day and I knew I was headed into a long night at work. I promised kellen that I would go with her to a party so that basically meant...bust my ass off so I can get the hell out of here and enjoy a couple drinks. None of it went as planned. The company we hired to do the scanning ended up to be a bunch of ex-felons who did not know how to count. What should of been an eight hour shift eventually turned into a ten. I was in a shitty mood and was basically over the whole night. 3am rolled along and finally Lyle had dropped me off at my place. Upon reaching my apartment and ready to pass the fuck out, my neighbor was standing outside:
woman: hello, how are ya doing? (nice smile)
me: hello, im good, how are you? (politely)
woman: im doin' fine, why you coming home so late?
me: ehhh, just got off of work
woman: you look like you need a drink? (smile)
*i thought to myself......hmmmmm should I
me: you know what, I will have a drink (smile)
woman: alright, come on in. whats ya name?
me: lennard
woman: Im...(I dont remember)
*She kindly let me inside her place and as soon as I walk in I hear
woman 2: woooooweee! who izzz dis?
woman 3: woooo! whered you fine dis fresh piece of meat?
*FUUUUUUUUCCK! what the hell did I get myself into...all I could do was smile and say hello
woman: This is lennard, he lives upstairs wid that family and baby
woman 2: awww they so nice. nice to meet you lennard...im (i dont remember her name) thats (i dont remember her name) over on da couch
me: hi
woman: lennard what would you like to drink?
me: uhmm, I am fine with anything
woman: alright then
*so i sat down on the couch thinking...okay...this should be interesting...i know how to take care of myself...everything will be fine. woman comes back with 3 drinks and sets them right in front of me.
woman: here ya go
*I grab one and drink it...its straight tequilla on the rocks. probably the best kind to vomit to...sauza. I also then realize all 3 drinks are for me. Life is great. I am sitting in a room with three cougars who plan on getting me drunk and fulfill their fantasy of having some asian love...who wouldnt want to be in my place? wait till I tell you what they look like. Yep...well they started talking amongst themselves as i quietly listened and secretly text kellen, "you would not believe where im at right now." At this point Iam sitting on a couch with woman on my left, woman 2 on my right, and woman 3 straight across from me. Alright here is when I get into detail on each one. They are all black woman and most likely in there 30s or 40s. woman has a moustache and its straight and lined up perfectly...i dont know fucking why but that shit was straight. I happen to look at her legs and realized they were fucking hairy...i cringed. woman 2 had a big butt. woman 3 was big woman wearing a dress and was not wearing underwear or from the looks of it...maybe her body sucked it in and was hiding it...she was flashing her nanner like it was for sale. I continued to drink the rest of my three drinks and got to know a little bit of each of them. woman actually confided in me about her life and how nothing comes easy, that hard work pays off. I enjoyed the conversations and knew that I was getting pretty drunk. Well...I then found myself talking to woman 2 and somehow the convo turned into this...
woman 2: when I look at you...i see 'timid'
me: haha...what do you mean by that?
woman 2: i see you with your tight pants, dat small shirt, gold watch, and dat hair? 'TIMID'
i know you never had the dark meat before
*REALLLY!
me: (laughing) what? sadly no. i have never had the dark meat.
woman 2: I know you never had the dark meat. I can tell just by looking at ya
me: (laughing) youre judging me on how I look
woman 2: thats just what I see. I can tell that you go for dat asian shit...dat white shit. You cant handle the dark meat
*WOW i was getting ripped by some old cougar...while the other 2 are laughing
me: (laughing) alright. alright. you can judge me all you want. it doesnt mean anything
woman 2: thats what i see
me: well................do i look like someone who can dance?
woman 2: hell nooooo
*the other 2 are still laughing
me: alright...put something on
woman 2: alright then...let me see what you got
*she puts on ne-yo....then al green...then r. kelly...then some other stuff....this goes on for an hour and a half....yes...me dancing with 3 40-year old women in the middle of the night. I realized I got there at 3am and looked at my watch to see it was 7:30...fuck
woman 2: i underestimated you
woman: haha you got some moves in ya
*and then she said
woman: you gonna stay the night?
me: nope, im gonna have breakfast with my girlfriend in the morning. bye
*i went out the door...into my apt....and straight to bed
and that was my nite
wow your kind of amazing...
ReplyDeletethat was the best story to wake up to!
-Bekka