Just when you thought your roomate sucked..

From some guys blog: Enjoy.

Here are some more reasons why I hate my roommate.

1. He loves Pokemon. He has, I shit you not, a stuffed jigglypuff sitting on his desk. He also has a DVD of all the Pokemon episodes centered around jigglypuff. I am quite certain that jigglypuff is his idol.

2. He has a ceramic anime style cat sitting on a tiny red blanket ontop of the television. I asked him if it was a good luck charm. He said no. He has a ceramic cat on the TV. Listen to me, motherfucker, I have enough trouble getting laid as it is. I don't need you and your GODDAMNED CAT fucking things up for me any worse.

3. He takes John Stewart's message as gospel. He owns a calendar counting down the days until Bush is out of office. He owns a book of Bushisms. Every time he's on the phone, he talks about how much he hates Bush. His screensaver counts down the time Bush has left in office to the second.

4. There is a giant poster on the wall of a dragon. It is not a cool poster.

5. I live in Clark Hall here at UNT. He purchased a shirt that says I LOVE CLARK and he wears it all the time. This might not be a big deal, but I have zero school spirit. Also, I hate my dorm. Because of my roommate. Whom I hate.

6. When I came back to school this semester, he had rearranged the room in an effort to make my stay a COMPLETE GODDAMN CLUSTERFUCK. Let me begin with the TV. He has pushed the desks together in front of the TV. This works to his benefit because the TV is right next to his desk. I, on the other hand, can't see a thing because the microwave is blocking my view. Why? Because it's the only place I could put it where its plug would reach the outlet.

Our room is smaller than some walk in closets. He has chosen to exacerbate the problem by placing our desks square in the middle of the room. I now have nowhere to move. I must climb over my bed or traverse an obstacle course of boxes and shit to get to the door. Thanks asshole. I appreciate your cunningly designed layout.

And you ask, "Why don't you just bunk beds. That would make more room." See the title of this entry for your answer.

7. I'll try to talk to him and he cannot carry on a conversation because he's too dumb to string words together coherently on a consistent basis. This is a rare flaw possessed mostly by retards and children under 3. My roommate is an honor student. Go figure.

8. He's fat. Therefore, he takes up a lot of space in a small room. Imagine a glass of water filled to the brim. It's already full. Now drop in a huge fucking rock. Observe how the water spills over the edge.

Our room is already full. Now drop in a shitty roommate. Observe how the blood spills out of his massive chest wound.

9. He takes 40 minute showers right before I have to go to class. He knows we both have class at the same time, but he does this anyway not because he's an asshole so much as he's so fucking stupid he doesn't realize this will be a problem. I said to him the other morning, "You took a 40 minute shower, and now I'm only going to get 5 minutes in the shower because you took so long, understand? I will only receive 12% of the cleanliness you just got. Do you understand?"

He did not understand.

10. He points the showerhead directly at my shampoo bottle in the corner of the shower for some inexplicable reason. This fills it with water because it has tiny fissures that'll let in water if you point water at it for long enough. Now, I have watered down shampoo. Also my hair has lost its silky sheen.

11. He brought over a girl who later said to me, "I'm having trouble with your roommate because he did this thing for me the other day because he said he'd like it. But then later he said he didn't enjoy it. He said he only did it because it made me feel good."

I stared at her, unable to process this information. If only my brain had a self destruct sequence.

12. The only music he owns are video game soundtracks.

13. His mom buys him all this nice stuff that he doesn't appreciate like a huge table (that takes up our space), a big ole tv, file shelves, DVDs, video games, a nintendo wii, a giant air conditioning death star, and tons of candy.

14. His giant air conditioning death star takes up space and makes a lot of noise. He needs it because fat people need it cool, you know?

Sometimes when he's not here and I'm hungry, I walk over to his shelves and I open them. I gaze upon all the candy bars he has stashed in there, marvelling at the vast quantities. They look so delicious. One day I'll flip out and I'll take one or nine. Or maybe inject them with antifreeze.