independent shmendependent

I recently saw the movie “Sunshine Cleaning”. Definitely one of the worst movies of 2009, mainly because it tries way too hard to be quirky. In it, a cutesy girl needs to raise money to put her son in private school (because he got in trouble in public school for licking things), so she starts a cleaning service with her angsty black haired sister that cleans up crime scenes. Now if that isn’t quirky enough, I think I should point out that one of the characters in the movie is a Mexican dude with a long braided pony tail, one arm, and a collection of model airplanes. I don’t know why the writers felt the need to stuff all those details into one character.
On top of being quirky, there’s plenty of serious drama to balance it out. The main character’s mom committed suicide, there’s an affairs, houses burning down, and unreturned lesbian love interests.

So now I get it! This movie has inspired me to write my own indie movie! I just have to make sure it’s quirky and depressing at the same time. (little miss sunshine, garden state, etc… eat your heart out!)

Protagonist: We’ll cast someone like Rider Strong (Shawn from Boy Meets World) just for the heck of it. This will be his breakout role where he'll prove he's not just another pretty has been. He’ll play a kid who’s addicted to huffing spray paint, but he works at a used book store, and he’s a dreamer… so he has tons of ideas. Or something positive like that. His name will be something unusual like Leopold.

Protagonist’s dad: Casting Rob Schneider so he can get a “comedian goes dramatic” role before he dies. This role will have lots of Oscar buzz. He will play the main character’s dad, who is dying of black lung. He is also a pill popper, and he used to be a famous game show host.

Female lead: This chick will be played by Zooey Deschanel because she’s in everything. Her character is a taxidermist, and she dreams of opening her own malt shop. She’s going to wear one of these hats to establish her zaniness:

Her hobbies include firebombing abortion clinics because it makes her feel alive. She will fall in love with the protagonist when she sees how creative he is and her sense of adventure will cause him to open his eyes and appreciate life. They’ll go firebombing together and at first the main character will be all “you’re crazy!” but then he’ll find himself enjoying it and they’ll kiss in the rain while people burn to death in the background.

Here’s the soundtrack for the movie:

Bon Iver

Genesis

Vampire weekend

Billy joel

Black Kids

It’s going to be a hit! Hope to see you opening weekend!